Oldpeopleitis

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        I had a friend tell me that she feared she was already suffering from oldpeopleitis. Oldpeopleitis is a chronic, terminal condition for which there are aches and pains that cannot be otherwise diagnosed, nor is there any specific treatment. A symptom of oldpeoplitis is celebrating Sunday, a day of very literal rest, four of the seven days of the week. When an oldpeopleitis sufferer is asked what he or she did for the day, the answer is always, "one thing." Mealtime at home is a non-event, but daytime trips to the bathroom at home are an Event.

        Oldpeopleitis occurs in many forms, but there are two prominent strains: oldladyitis and oldmanitis. Oldladyitis is often preceded by a loss of height, and a tendency to blurt out opinions at times when they are unwelcome. Oldmanitis has symtoms of eating food of any age that can be found in the refrigerator, and sitting in an overstuffed chair with eyes closed. Getting up in the middle of the night and heading for the bathroom may be symptomatic of both strains.

        Further evidence of oldpeopleitis can be found in pets as they age. Oldkittyitis has some similarities to oldmanitis because of the tendency to sleep 23 hours a day. Oldcanineitis is more subtle in that the sufferer doesn’t complain, but merely begins to limit activities. This is rarely found in oldpeoplitis.

        I too, have wondered about having oldpeopleitis, but have remained comforted by the fact that i don't have all of the symptoms, and my assumption that it generally occurs after oldbesity. So far…